Ask A D.C. Native: I’m new here. How can I make friends?
Reflect on what you want out of new friendships, then put yourself out there.
Arriving in a new city is kind of like stepping into a thick forest — everything is alive and buzzing, but the path ahead is unclear. It can feel a bit disorienting trying to find your way while facing the unknown. My quick advice: trust your instincts and feel your way through; the right opportunities for connection will emerge over time.
As a D.C. native, the city’s rhythm is embedded in my DNA. I love the warm breeze that sweeps through just before a train pulls in, the sound of buckets drumming on street corners, and the comfort of familiar faces and knowing nods. But when I moved back to D.C. as a twentysomething after college, everything felt different. Experiencing the city as an adult for the first time, I found myself balancing who I’d been with who I was becoming. And while I was excited for the chance to rediscover the city, I couldn’t shake the uncertainty of not knowing where I fit in.
The city — much like me — was in the middle of a transformation. My old haunts looked different, new slang dominated conversations, friendships had shifted, and I realized that finding a sense of belonging would require more than just retracing my old steps — it would take intention, openness, resilience … and several intense journaling sessions.
Naturally inquisitive and perpetually introspective (seriously, just send mail directly to my head where I actually reside), I’ve found that reflecting on the kind of relationships I want and how they align with my lifestyle and personality has been key to making connections.
It’s an ongoing process, but I’ve come up with a list of questions that have helped me approach building friendships with clarity and confidence; trusting that, in time, I’ll find the people and spaces that match my vibe. Below are some of them.
2. Do I thrive in intimate settings or enjoy the buzz of large crowds?
3. Do I prefer environments with structured activities like sports leagues or book clubs or do I lean towards casual meetups and open-ended social events?
4. How much time can I realistically dedicate to nurturing new friendships? Am I looking for weekly meetups or more spontaneous connections?
5. Am I interested in meeting people with shared interests? What hobbies or passions could guide me to the right communities?
6. What's my social rhythm? Do I prefer seeing the same people regularly or seeing new faces more frequently?
7. Do I want to establish connections with neighbors or broaden my social circle across the city?
Once you have a clearer sense of what you're looking for, the next step is figuring out where to find those connections and how to foster them. Thankfully D.C. has countless ways to connect with people. There’s literally a monthly event called Friends In that’s designed to help foster relationships and build community.
Need more guidance? Here are seven tips to consider as you find your way.
Start close to home
A great way to ease into new friendships is by connecting with people you already know. Going out with neighbors, classmates, or coworkers can provide a sense of stability that sparks genuine friendship or — at the very least — helps build your social circle. Some of my first outings when I returned home were with my coworkers. Every Tuesday after work, we’d meet at Planet Fitness and support each other with our fitness goals, then promptly undermine those goals with a trip to Pizza Hut afterwards. Good times!
Put yourself out there
Joining clubs, attending networking mixers, or volunteering are fantastic ways to meet new people. I remember my first few outings with local photography groups like Street Meet DC, Portrait Meet DC, and IGDC — their monthly events feel like a pop-up, except instead of browsing booths you’re roaming the city with a hoard of fellow creatives, all chasing the perfect shot. But it wasn’t just about honing my craft but finding kindred spirits. I’ve met several people at these gatherings that I still keep in touch with today.
Develop new routines
Sometimes, simply showing up consistently is the key to making new friends. Visiting the same coffee shop, taking a regular morning walk, or frequenting your favorite restaurant increases the chances of turning familiar faces into friends.
My interests run the gamut, so I often frequent places that allow me to try something new while fostering creativity and inspiration. The National Portrait Gallery, for example, offers writing workshops and sketch breaks on select evenings. 7DrumCity hosts a monthly open house jam and potluck, welcoming musicians of all ages and skill levels to bring a dish and practice their skills. Grounded, a plant store, café, and wellness studio, curates a variety of biophilic-centered events. Anna J. Cooper Circle Park and Dupont Circle are my go-to spots for playing chess. Supper clubs, like this one with Federalist Pig, provide a fantastic way to connect with new people while sharing a delicious meal.
Find low-pressure places
For me, it’s bars; they are chill spots where I can slip in and out of social engagement at my own pace. It’s not uncommon to find me at the bar, sipping a cocktail while reading a book. Every so often, I’ll lift my head to chat with the bartenders as they mix drinks, and before I know it, someone nearby joins in. Suddenly, we’re all talking like old friends.
Bartenders can also act as social safety nets, which is great if you’re out alone. The best ones pick up on the vibe of the room and step in when necessary. Once, at my favorite speakeasy — OKBP in Mount Pleasant — a guy beside me got a little too aggressive in conversation. The bartender smoothly intervened, redirecting him without making a scene. It wasn’t dramatic, but I noticed and appreciate it.
Get communal
Instead of sitting solo, I opt for communal tables at coffee shops, restaurants, and food halls. Busboys and Poets, Union Market, and Maman are a few of my favorite places to do so. I usually make a simple comment about someone’s book, drink choice, or outfit. If it doesn’t lead anywhere, no big deal — move on. But sometimes it leads to something great. Once, I complimented a guy’s watch, and before I knew it, we — along with another patron — were off on a spontaneous adventure from Busboys and Poets to Julia’s Empanadas for papusas.
Embrace unexpected connections
Some of my most enriching relationships — however brief — have come from stepping outside of my social bubble. Take this one time: I was out taking pictures in the city when I struck up a conversation with a group of skaters. One comment about their style turned into an impromptu skating lesson. Spoiler alert: I have zero skills, but it was a great exercise in bravery. (If boards, blades, or bikes are your thing, check out the Skate Park at RFK Campus or Anacostia Skate Pavilion.)
Manage your expectations
Last month, I went to The Feels DC. It’s a guided gathering for singles designed to foster deep, intentional connections. I went on a whim, drawn in by the event’s warm advertising and inclusive language. What I didn’t expect? The exercises are not for the shy (think prolonged eye contact, gentle touches, and sincere embraces … with strangers). While I didn’t walk away with a boo, I did meet some great people. One of them — a woman I randomly struck up a conversation with at the bar — turned out to live in my neighborhood. Since then, we’ve grabbed breakfast and browsed our local farmers market together. Not a bad outcome for a night that started with me feeling totally out of my depth.
