Things that drew a bigger crowd to the National Mall than Trump's parade

In perhaps one of the few relatable moves of his lifetime, President Trump spent a bunch of money on a birthday party and no one showed up.

Kidding. Saturday's multi-million-dollar parade and festival just happened to be on the president's 79th birthday; technically, it was a celebration of the U.S. military's 250th anniversary. But what was expected to be a massive (and massively disruptive) bonanza with thousands of troops, tanks, helicopters, and artillery turned out to be an eerily quiet and somewhat empty afternoon and evening on the National Mall, beset by local and nationwide counterprotests, dreary and humid D.C. skies, and the general sense, even among Republicans, that using 45 million federal dollars on an ostentatious parade was a grotesque waste of money.

Last week, organizers told The 51st they expected 200,000 attendees to visit the Mall on Saturday for the festival and parade ... but photos and videos depicting a thin and unsettlingly silent crowd suggest turnout fell far below what Trump had wanted – and paled in comparison to other notable gatherings on the Mall, famously a locale for some of the most significant demonstrations in American history.

For fun, we decided to think up a completely (non)serious list of some other, not-so-significant events on the Mall that saw more bodies than last weekend's parade. What did we miss?