Washrag: Kennedy's up shit creek
We won't be asking a certain cabinet secretary for his favorite Memorial Day swimming options.
As the end of May approaches and the weather gets warmer, it’s only natural to start thinking about going for a swim. There are plenty of options in the area: D.C.’s many public pools (hit Banneker for the social scene, try Langdon Park for the kids), swimmable fountains (Yards Park, of course), and sewage-filled local waterways favored by cabinet secretaries. Wait, what?
Unless you’re particularly sane or lucky, you’ve probably seen the offending photos of a shirtless (yet inexplicably jeans-clad) Robert F. Kennedy Jr. celebrating Mother’s Day with a refreshing dip in the shit-infested waters of Rock Creek. In the pictures he proudly posted on X, the Health and Human Services Secretary appears jubilant on a family outing with his grandchildren, at one point fully immersing himself in what is surely a disease-laden tributary near Dumbarton Oaks. (Lorde, hold his beer.)
Kennedy received plenty of praise on X for what might reasonably appear to be a heartwarming outing with his family, but D.C. residents collectively recoiled. Picturesque as they may be, the waters of Rock Creek and its tributaries are anything but healing: they’re laden with E.coli and unpleasant solids stemming from D.C.’s aging combined sewer system, which often overflows during storms and sends crap-filled water into local waterways. While huge infrastructure upgrades by D.C. Water have improved the state of both the Anacostia and Potomac rivers, Rock Creek sadly remains full of fecal bacteria.The National Park Service is crystal clear that the murky water is not to be used for swimming or even wading. Kennedy was, one could say, up shit creek.
Maybe we’re being too hard on Kennedy, and maybe NPS just doesn’t know how to have fun. But it’s worth remembering that before becoming America’s most famous vaccine skeptic, roadkill transporter, parasitic brain worm survivor, and questioner of seed oils, Kennedy made his name… by cleaning up dirty rivers.
On Wednesday, he told Congress that the public shouldn’t take medical advice from him. Well, we also won’t ask him for ideas on where to go swimming.
