Inquiring about a person’s career is largely due to the city’s transient, career-climbing nature. But there are more interesting questions to be asked.
Spring is here, and the city is full of festivities, including a tiki vinyl night, a migratory bird celebration, and a Mother’s Day bike ride fundraiser.
Ask A D.C. Native: Why does everyone ask what I do for work?
Inquiring about a person’s career is largely due to the city’s transient, career-climbing nature. But there are more interesting questions to be asked.
It’s a weekday evening earlier this year, and I’m holding open a gigantic office door building just south of Gallery Place. I’m looking forward to a conversation celebrating the leadership of Black women in politics. The check-in folks match my energy, and the vibes are checking out, so far.
“Hi!” One of the greeters is on his job and extends his hand. “Thanks for coming!” I might describe him as nattily dressed: stylish glasses, an Afro that would be the middle brother between Rep. Justin Pearson and Mayor Brandon Scott. A V-neck sweater. It’s all very friendly, and I’m thinking this could be interesting.
He escorts me to the elevator, punches the “up” button, and we know it’s time for chit-chat. The moment is pregnant with possibilities: do we talk about the latest Stacey Abrams podcast, with this being a political event? What was the latest New York Times headline that we can criticize for using the passive voice?
I’m gently waking my brain up to conversation when he says, “So, what do you do for work?”
And this, readers, is how the District earns the reputation for being a place where you’re more valued for what you do than who you are, or how interesting this city can be.
While I’ve admittedly had fellow native Washingtonians ask about my job, more often, we’ll ask, “What high school did you go to?” as an orienting question. High school pride runs deep in the D-dot, and it’s an opportunity for fun teasing. But inquiring about a person’s career is largely due to the city’s transient nature, making D.C. natives bristle at the divisive characterization that the city we love is simply a playground for career-ladder climbers.
“Where are you from?” I ask the greeter, suspecting he wasn’t born and raised in the city. “Rochester,” he says, and I nod. Intuition confirmed.
There’s an assumption that if you’ve moved to D.C. for work, others have, too, says Voncia Monchais, a Maryland resident from Texas, when I conducted an unscientific friend poll. D.C. native Brandon Best, agrees: “Most people move to D.C. for the culture or because of the opportunities,” and are in constant networking mode.
More generously, the question can orient a newcomer in an unfamiliar space. Jannah Muhammad, originally from the South and now settled in Silver Spring, says, “I think, as a transplant, I used the question when I first moved here because I didn’t really know what else to connect with people over.”
Understandable. If you’re new to the city and your entire travel radius includes your job and the grocery store, your conversation starters may relate to just the basics. Absent this newcomer naivete, the impact of this question can be ick.
“This question is like the Sorting Hat of the Muggle World,” says my childhood friend, who now lives on the West Coast. (For non-Harry Potter fans such as myself, this hat functions like a personality assessment or a career aptitude test that quickly assigns people into categories.) Philadelphia native Nicole Savage adds, “It’s like you get sized up depending on your answers, and it dictates how the rest of the convo goes.”
So what questions can you ask a new acquaintance at the elevator, or while balancing a too-small plate of wings and celery sticks at a political event? Try these for a memorable conversation:
What’s your favorite indie book store in the city? D.C. has at least 12 independent bookstores, each with very different personalities. If the respondent says they don’t have one, you can be generous and make a suggestion or take it as a sign of incompatibility and refill your drink.
How do you survive summer humidity? Like the pursuit of freedom, battling stickiness is a constant struggle in the District. Bond over the potentially calamitous event of sweating a bowling ball-sized stain while walking to a first date.
Rare Essence’s “Pieces of Me” or Backyard Band’s “Hello”? If the person has an opinion, keep talking. Blank stare? It’s a teachable moment. The only wrong answer is, “Neither. I like the originals.” Walk away, as this person is probably the source of our summer humidity.
To be a Washingtonian is to see people as individuals and want to connect over our shared love for this wildly creative, rhythmic, fascinating, political, sexy city that we call home. Asking these types of questions means you see the city as a place to explore culture and fall in love with its treasures.
Now, is there an appropriate time to ask, “What do you do for work?” Per chance. For instance, you’re at work, and you keep seeing someone on Zoom, but they never speak or come off mute. Or you’re at a dinner party, and a guest says, “Last night at work, I had to grab the fire extinguisher, then call Sheila from Accounting!”
Still, I prefer this version, suggested by Monchais: “What are you building?” This question focuses more on passion and character than career title, and creates space for a galaxy of responses: a treehouse, a family, or a movement.
Rhonda Henderson curates public humanities programs, and coaches individuals to speak with clarity and power. She is a native Washingtonian, and co-creator of the Dap Project. Find her at a local coffee shop, art museum, or library. Say what's up.
With your help, we pursue stories that hold leaders to account, demystify opaque city and civic processes, and celebrate the idiosyncrasies that make us proud to call D.C. home. Put simply, our mission is to make it easier — and more fun — to live in the District. Our members help keep local news free and independent for all:
